I'm not dead y'all! Just lame and all not-fic-writey. Which sucks. Also, I've lost my life to homestuck. You know how it goes. Anyway, here's a thing:
Pairing: Tim/Superboy, sort of weird Tim/Dick
Wordcount: 2798 words
Summary: In which I find yet another way to insert Tim into the Young Justice continuity, there are far more cat-related puns than is strictly necessary, Dick is sort of a Dick, Timmy is gayer than christmas, and no one can remember anyone else's codenames.
Dick hates Catwoman's sidekick.
Hates him enough that he has, on numerous occasions, called the kid "sidekick" to his face, and ignored the little hiss of "apprentice!" that always follows. Hates him enough that he sulked and kicked things for nearly a week when Bruce announced that he would be letting Kittyboy (or whatever his name is) onto the team.
The new kid has a slick smile and a sway to his hips that is, frankly, totally inappropriate for a hero. He wears some kind of latex bodysuit that is obviously intended to show off his booty rather then, you know, protect anything. Also, Dick thinks he might be wearing lip gloss.
When he meets the team for the first time, he catches diamond-tipped claws in the front of Superboy's shirt and purrs. Dick didn't even know people could do that.
"This is ridiculous." He tells Batman as his mentor watches them getting to know each other (just this side of biblically, from what Dick can tell).
Catwoman has, of course, chosen to refrain from associating herself with the justice league and has sent her boything to meet them on his own. Watching him get up in Superboy's personal space, Dick is sure that the kid doesn't mind in the least.
"His prescience on the team was Catwoman's only requirement for them both agreeing to rehabilitation." Batman says just as grimly as he says everything else, "And I have no doubt that he will be a valuable operative. I realize that having him on the team will be a challenge for you, Robin, but it's a challenge I think you both can face."
"So basically you're telling me to suck it up." Dick growls.
"Hm." Batman's eyes glint with laughter.
"Sure thing, boss." Dick says, although he thinks that in this case the sucking might be more than a little up.
"Ooh." Kitten-kid purrs while rubbing his head against Superboy's chest, "He's so hard."
Superboy blushes. Deeply. But Dick notices that he doesn't pull away.
Ew. Just.... ew.
The sight of Supes making The Deep Eye Contact with the tiny, underaged male equivalent of Bruce's creepy girlfriend gives Dick a serious case of the freaks.
"Oh my god get off him." Dick hisses.
"What." Catlad hisses at him, "Are you jealous, little bird? Now that you no longer have my undivided attention?"
And this is why Dick hates the very idea of allowing the feline terror on the team. He's known the kid for something like two years now, and in all that time there has not been a single moment where the kid let up on his relentless flirting. Considering the fact that Dick is only barely fifteen and Mr. Mew has got to be at least a year younger, Dick has a reason to feel a little skeeved off.
"Look." Dick growls, reaching up to pull the kid's claws out of Superboy's shirt one by one, "It's cool that you're trying to be on the side of good and all that, but we need to lay down some ground rules."
"Oh?" The eyebrow that he arches has most definitely been tweezed. Or possibly waxed.
"Um, yeah." Dick says. The rest of the team is suspiciously quiet, but it's only (he suspects) because it takes a while to build up an immunity to the Kitty's overwhelming... self. Dick remembers being shocked into silence for nearly an hour after their first meeting. "First off, no hitting on team members. It's totally not of the awesome. Secondly, could you cut it out with all the meowing and purring and stuff? It's--"
"I think what Robin is trying to say," Aqualad interrupts, "Is that we are glad to have you on the team, but you don't have to put up an act with us. We'll like you just the way you are. That's what being on this team means."
The kid's eyes narrow, the movement only highlighted by the black eyeliner he's wearing, "This is the way I am."
Dick snorts, "Can you honestly tell me that even Catwoman is all sex and catnip all the time? Really? Don't you ever just relax?"
"It's none of your business either way, Boy Hostage.” Pantherkid's voice drops low and dangerous for a moment, his eyes narrowing, “I never asked to be put on this team, you know."
"Well then why did you agree to join?" Dick gleefully imagines the Kitten Wonder changing his mind and flouncing out the door, never to be seen again until the next bank robbery. The nickname (particularly popular among Gotham's criminal contingent) burns uncomfortably in Dick's chest.
A cocked hip and another precisely raised eyebrow towards Bruce, "We all know that I'm only here because Catwoman can't break herself away from your boss and his magical, enormous--"
"Boys." Dick feels himself wither in the face of Bruce's disapproval. He back's off, pulling professionalism out of somewhere. He's going to be the bigger one here. He's calm...
"--Cock." Kit-Kat rumbles, making firm eye contact with Batman for far longer than anyone Dick has ever met. Besides himself, of course. “I don't want to go to jail. That is the only reason I'm here. I'll play along with your stupid little game. I'll help people, and I'll even be good at it. But don't for a second think that I'm going to change myself in order to conform to your stupid expectations.”
His nostrils flare, his voice coming faster and with less of the flirtatiousness that he usually heaps on like butter on... just about anything Dick eats.
And then he throws out a smile that is both deeply sensual and freaking dangerous and stalks from the room, his hips swaying to an inaudible rhythm.
The post-Catboy silence is dense and heavy. Like fog... or something else Dick hates.
“Jeezus.” Wally breathes once it becomes clear that the cat isn't coming back.
“Yeah.” Dick sighs, “He's pretty much always like that.”
“What did he mean about Catwoman and Batman's enormous--”
“What? I don't get it...”
Dick starts to feel a headache coming on.