Fic: The Three Little Robins
Dec. 5th, 2010 08:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
imasupermuteantTitle: The Three Little Robins
Fandom: DCU
Paring: Batman/Robin!Pile
Warnings/Rating: Rated PG-13 for subtle sexuality and the destruction of childhood memories.
Word Count: 1005
Summary: A seriously cracked version of 'The Three Billy Goats Gruff'. I'm not proud of this.
Once upon a time there were three Robins who lived together in a town on one side of a big, wide river, where they fought crime together. They loved living in their town, and for quite a while they had a lot of work to do keeping the criminals at bay. But the three Robins were very good at fighting crime, and it soon came to pass that they ran out of criminals to defeat.
"What shall we do now?" Asked the youngest of the Robins as they watched the police cart away the last bank robber.
"We could take over this town and control all of the gang activity for miles!" the middle Robin said.
"No. Shut up." The eldest Robin said, "We'll move across the river and fight crime in the town over there."
All the Robins agreed (although the middle Robin argued a bit) and they packed up all of their belongings to travel to the large city of Gotham that was across the big, wide river.
There was only one bridge that went all the way across the river, since most of the others had been destroyed by the government a few years previous, and it was a very rickety bridge.
"That doesn't look safe." The youngest Robin said.
"Pussy." The middle Robin said.
"Shut up." The eldest Robin told his brother, "We should go across one at a time so that the bridge won't break."
All of the Robins agreed that this was a good idea (although the middle Robin thought the others were just cowards).
"I'll go first." The eldest Robin volunteered.
He started across the bridge, balancing on his toes on each board as best he could.
Creak, crack, creak, crack, creak, went the bridge.
"WHO'S THAT CREAKING ACROSS MY BRIDGE?" Said a booming voice
"Uhh... It's me, the eldest Robin." The eldest Robin said, "I'm crossing the bridge so that I can go fight crime in Gotham."
"Well you can't." Said the voice from under the bridge.
"What?" Asked the eldest Robin.
"No one is allowed to fight crime in Gotham unless I say so." Said the giant Bat that lived under the bridge, peeking his head from underneath, "If you try to come across then I will gobble you up."
"Oh don't gobble me up!" Cried the eldest Robin, "I'm too stretchy and tough for you to eat. You should wait Creak, crack, creak, crack, creak, went the bridge.
"WHO'S THAT CREAKING ACCROSS MY BRIDGE?" Shouted the Bat.
"It's just me, B, calm down." The middle Robin said, "I'm headed across the bridge so I can fight crime in Gotham."
"No one is allowed to fight crime in Gotham unless I say so." Said the giant Bat that lived under the bridge, peeking his head and shoulders from underneath, "If you try to come across then I will gobble you up."
"You don't want to gobble me up." The middle Robin said, "I've got so many muscles you'll break your teeth! My wimpy little brother is coming along behind me and he'll be much more palatable."
"Really?" Asked the Bat, "but what about fighting crime in Gotham?
"Oh, that? I'm still going to do that." Said the middle Robin.
And with that the cut the rope on the bridge, sending him flying towards the other end of the river and nearly killing him. He managed to pull himself up onto the other shore and head towards Gotham.
It took the youngest Robin a great deal of time to figure out how to construct a rope bridge which would let him get across the big, wide river, but he eventually managed to make something he could use.
The new rope bridge was silent as the youngest Robin walked across it.
"WHO'S THAT CROSSING MY RIVER?" The Bat cried, his whole body exposed now that his bridge had been destroyed.
"It's just me, the youngest Robin." The youngest Robin said as he balanced on his single rope, "I'm going to go fight crime in Gotham."
"No one is allowed to fight crime in Gotham unless I say so." Said the giant Bat, "If you try to come across then I will gobble you up."
"What do you mean by that?" Asked the youngest Robin.
"What?"
"Well it's just that I've heard about you, and you don't seem to actually gobble anybody up at all."
"Well the truth is I don't actually kill anybody." The Bat said, "I just try to be scary so they won't make trouble in my city.
Fandom: DCU
Paring: Batman/Robin!Pile
Warnings/Rating: Rated PG-13 for subtle sexuality and the destruction of childhood memories.
Word Count: 1005
Summary: A seriously cracked version of 'The Three Billy Goats Gruff'. I'm not proud of this.
Once upon a time there were three Robins who lived together in a town on one side of a big, wide river, where they fought crime together. They loved living in their town, and for quite a while they had a lot of work to do keeping the criminals at bay. But the three Robins were very good at fighting crime, and it soon came to pass that they ran out of criminals to defeat.
"What shall we do now?" Asked the youngest of the Robins as they watched the police cart away the last bank robber.
"We could take over this town and control all of the gang activity for miles!" the middle Robin said.
"No. Shut up." The eldest Robin said, "We'll move across the river and fight crime in the town over there."
All the Robins agreed (although the middle Robin argued a bit) and they packed up all of their belongings to travel to the large city of Gotham that was across the big, wide river.
There was only one bridge that went all the way across the river, since most of the others had been destroyed by the government a few years previous, and it was a very rickety bridge.
"That doesn't look safe." The youngest Robin said.
"Pussy." The middle Robin said.
"Shut up." The eldest Robin told his brother, "We should go across one at a time so that the bridge won't break."
All of the Robins agreed that this was a good idea (although the middle Robin thought the others were just cowards).
"I'll go first." The eldest Robin volunteered.
He started across the bridge, balancing on his toes on each board as best he could.
Creak, crack, creak, crack, creak, went the bridge.
"WHO'S THAT CREAKING ACROSS MY BRIDGE?" Said a booming voice
"Uhh... It's me, the eldest Robin." The eldest Robin said, "I'm crossing the bridge so that I can go fight crime in Gotham."
"Well you can't." Said the voice from under the bridge.
"What?" Asked the eldest Robin.
"No one is allowed to fight crime in Gotham unless I say so." Said the giant Bat that lived under the bridge, peeking his head from underneath, "If you try to come across then I will gobble you up."
"Oh don't gobble me up!" Cried the eldest Robin, "I'm too stretchy and tough for you to eat. You should wait Creak, crack, creak, crack, creak, went the bridge.
"WHO'S THAT CREAKING ACCROSS MY BRIDGE?" Shouted the Bat.
"It's just me, B, calm down." The middle Robin said, "I'm headed across the bridge so I can fight crime in Gotham."
"No one is allowed to fight crime in Gotham unless I say so." Said the giant Bat that lived under the bridge, peeking his head and shoulders from underneath, "If you try to come across then I will gobble you up."
"You don't want to gobble me up." The middle Robin said, "I've got so many muscles you'll break your teeth! My wimpy little brother is coming along behind me and he'll be much more palatable."
"Really?" Asked the Bat, "but what about fighting crime in Gotham?
"Oh, that? I'm still going to do that." Said the middle Robin.
And with that the cut the rope on the bridge, sending him flying towards the other end of the river and nearly killing him. He managed to pull himself up onto the other shore and head towards Gotham.
It took the youngest Robin a great deal of time to figure out how to construct a rope bridge which would let him get across the big, wide river, but he eventually managed to make something he could use.
The new rope bridge was silent as the youngest Robin walked across it.
"WHO'S THAT CROSSING MY RIVER?" The Bat cried, his whole body exposed now that his bridge had been destroyed.
"It's just me, the youngest Robin." The youngest Robin said as he balanced on his single rope, "I'm going to go fight crime in Gotham."
"No one is allowed to fight crime in Gotham unless I say so." Said the giant Bat, "If you try to come across then I will gobble you up."
"What do you mean by that?" Asked the youngest Robin.
"What?"
"Well it's just that I've heard about you, and you don't seem to actually gobble anybody up at all."
"Well the truth is I don't actually kill anybody." The Bat said, "I just try to be scary so they won't make trouble in my city.